And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
