She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
