We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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