to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
