I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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