Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
