Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
