i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
