im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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