My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
