you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
