just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
