evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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