If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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