It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
