Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
