K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
