im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
