people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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