All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
