Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
