i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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