My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
