I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
