This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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