come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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