First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
