In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
