Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
