so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
