I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
