nutella sex= disaster
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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