We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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