It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
