you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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