It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My boob is missing a layer of skin
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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