Grow some girl-balls and come out already
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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