i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
