some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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