Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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