According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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