I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
