On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
