Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My pussy is not your playground.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
