I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
