If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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