i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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