The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
As shirtless as possible
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
