Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
