another moral hangover. fuck.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
