I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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