so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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