Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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