After last night, I could never be a politician.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
