lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
