My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
