i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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