My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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