when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
